How Long Does Loneliness Last?

We’re all losing people, routines, ways of life; but I have to hope that there’s a higher purpose behind the circus.
Next Sat. (7/4) will be 3 months to the day that my brother left this earthly plane.
Yesterday, at the end of our weekly Facebook live-stream, we did a spoken word loop of this poem, an energetic dedication.
While losing people we love is especially difficult during a global pandemic/revolution, I’m grateful that I’ve had extra down time to write, reflect and meditate; it’s my way of processing my grief, the collective grief, and finding moments of peace.

PS – re: the ‘mask’ in the 2nd paragraph – not the mask debate we see today, but the proverbial mask/disguise we all wear in various moments and phases of life.  Not that I had to tell you that, but maybe I did.

5/4/20 –
Thumbing through the past
With my flag at half mast
The shadows that it’s cast
The questions I should’ve asked

How long does loneliness last?
Why you always wore a mask
Why you never filled your glass
Why you left so fast

It’s been a full 30 days
I know we’ve all prayed
That you’re on the side of grace
That you’re in a better place

But I still miss your face
And even the games that you played
And your mischievous ways
Using words like a maze

As down time increases
We’re all searching for the pieces
Of the puzzle to your story
To find any reasons

While the heartache never ceases
It changes form with the seasons
While our memory decreases
Yours, it just freezes.

My brother and my grandfather, both in the great beyond

My brother and grandmother, both in the great beyond

My brother, Matthew. RIP (1975-2020)

 

The beautiful, haunting cemetery in Terlingua, TX, March 2020.

On Death and Dying

4/9/20 –
Well you didn’t tell me nothing
That I wanted to hear
Maybe it’s my ego
Laced up in too much fear

You didn’t leave me nothing
But questions and tears
Mountains of moments
That add up to years

A lot of memories cut too deep
As I search for ones I’d like to keep
A lot of things left unsaid
Now that you’re gone
They fill up my head
Like a lonesome sad song

No amount of prayers
Could’ve peeled back the layers
No string of words
Could convey how much I cared

You always were an angel
Just wearing the devil’s clothes
In a struggle and so entangled
Now only heaven knows

Critics will say what they will
That you had a raw deal
They don’t know how you feel
And what is deemed divine will

Maybe on the other side
You’re our angel and our guide
To help us navigate these shifting tides