On Death and Dying

4/9/20 –
Well you didn’t tell me nothing
That I wanted to hear
Maybe it’s my ego
Laced up in too much fear

You didn’t leave me nothing
But questions and tears
Mountains of moments
That add up to years

A lot of memories cut too deep
As I search for ones I’d like to keep
A lot of things left unsaid
Now that you’re gone
They fill up my head
Like a lonesome sad song

No amount of prayers
Could’ve peeled back the layers
No string of words
Could convey how much I cared

You always were an angel
Just wearing the devil’s clothes
In a struggle and so entangled
Now only heaven knows

Critics will say what they will
That you had a raw deal
They don’t know how you feel
And what is deemed divine will

Maybe on the other side
You’re our angel and our guide
To help us navigate these shifting tides

Feeling Good Again

It’s the holiday season, the spirit of family, the spirit of giving and receiving, of celebration and gathering.  It can also bring up feelings of discontent, lack, friction and other less than joyful elements.
But we have an option to let go, not in a giving up, but in a surrender to the greater good of feeling good.
Our time on this planet is relatively short, and as we get older, time seems to move ever faster.
I wrote this poem back in April after my grandfather, a WWII vet, passed.  He was full of great stories, jokes and joy.  He shared an unconditional love that I’m grateful to have known.  I found myself wishing that I’d been more proactive in writing/recording his stories, his voice, his spirit.  And that desire carries over to the rest of the family as well.  But we must also simply enjoy the present and the people we are with, in the moment.
To let go and to feel good.
So as Texas songwriter Robert Earl Keen sang in a song… “It feels so good, feelin’ good again”.

No matter how much time you’re given
You’ll likely want more
Living in the moment, driven
Full throttle, pedal to the floor
Time easily squandered with the people you love
Sometimes we hurt, push and shove
Feelings, words and notions clouded by emotions
Leaving oceans between us, when we really need ‘us’

Now that we’re older and technology is bolder
Sometimes it feels too late to save all they said
For our elders to be respected
So we have to appreciate who is left
To listen to their gifts and drop the blaming tiffs

Too much time is lost
We pay the emotional cost when the ego acts like a boss
We cut ourselves off and cut ties to save grief
But that wound is so deep
So you keep it close and quiet, trying to hide it
But there’s no relief at the end of the line

Karmic debt is full of regret
Words come back around
And shake the good to the ground
So just come down off that horse and drop the frown

There’s no way out but through
Forgiveness holds true
So drop all they’ve done to you
Drop the belief of permanent wound

No retribution
Peace is your contribution
Open heart solution
Heal your constitution

Rest and Digest

Drop the weight of the world
Be your own pearl
Not every moment must be filled
Not every secret must be spilled

Allow yourself some joy
Don’t let yourself be destroyed
Allow yourself some rest
Some space to digest

Not everything is a test
Don’t judge yourself as a mess
We all have work to do
To find our essence and truth

Do what you have to do
To allow grace to be in view
Count to ten to keep your zen
Say less and let things happen

Let go of control
Make space for your soul

Quote from Gleason documentary; It left me in an absolute puddle.
“You are awesome. But the world can grind on you. Do not become obsessive to the point where you are unhappy. Let your best stand for what it is. If it’s not sufficient, that’s ok. You did your best; move on.”

I spent the last two weekends at Swan River Yoga for Restorative Yoga Teacher Training.  It seemed like a good time to add this practice to my yoga life, and a branch of yoga that more people can get into.  I didn’t realize how much I also needed it.  The idea is to let the body ‘rest and digest’, bringing a deliberate pause to the schedule, to consciously and mindfully breathe and restore the body (and mind).  It’s incredibly nourishing for the nervous system (which can become quite taxed in this fast-paced, modern life).

I have a tendency to fill my schedule down to the minutes, with little breathing space.  My incredible husband reminds me and encourages me to slow down…easier said than done.

But this yoga practice will be a tool I can access for more conscious rest.  The world can wait, and we can all take a deep breath.

I wrote this poem at the end of that training weekend.

As we move into autumn and the days begin to shorten, nature naturally asks us to slow down.  I invite you to consciously create space, and allow yourself that time, even if it’s 5 minutes, to stop, breathe, and be.

heart rock


Poem Combing

I was browsing through some poems, looking for perspective and insight.  Sometimes I feel like my writings can be words for my future self to check back in and be uplifted.   Here’s a few from back then that moved me today.  🙂

I feel the night breeze
Blow through the window across my knees
Calmness finally washes over me
Despite the dirge of thoughts and things
Static and unnecessary

Life is a fraction of time by design
But a priceless attraction to breathe the divine

Can you tell when you drink from the well
The difference in the water
And the clarity it taught her?

The pot holes and pit falls won’t stop you at all

The falling is the calling
The reeling in and peeling again
Layers no longer needed
To cover truths repeated

The heart now heeded
And passion perceived it
Presence received it
So beauty believed it

Life can leave it
To bet love conceived it

I found hope turning on a dime
I saw love side swipe a crime
I heard faith inside the rays of sunshine

Put on the face and pray for your graces
Hope that the day will bring you to that place

Don’t judge nor complain
Just be grateful for the rain

Daylight dissolves
Ritual resolves
Absences absolved

Waves of emotion
Flood my heart like an ocean
With the depth of devotion
The breath of life’s notion
Extra sensory motion
Stirs up the potion

To transform
To be adorned
To adore and never be scorned
Nor to keep a score

Dismantle the battle field
Shake a rattle and feel
The rhythm and the rhyme
Beyond Reason’s cold shield

The night then is stilling
The breath is fulfilling
The earth is tilling
A fruitful spilling

A new language for the ages
Poured over by sages
Released into pages

For delivery by reverie
Quivering hearts

Little tiny tears
Along the path and thorns ensnare
We’re barely aware of the bloodshed we’ve shared
It’s not like we don’t care
Just can’t count every flare that’s singed up another hair

Find some place that’s fair and equal in what they share
Can’t promise it will be there at the moment when you dare
To step into the cool night air to trek your way beyond despair

Can only hope that the bears don’t emerge from their lairs
And that the dawn doesn’t scare
And that you can live for just one prayer:
That love is deep and always near.