Happy Equinox

Shaking off the ghosts of the past

Spring is finally returning at last

The sun softens the frozen ground

The birds call their familiar sounds

Reminders are everywhere

That everything has a cycle and season

A lesson and a reason

Things that felt like they took so long

That maybe it was all wrong

Finally emerged as a beautiful song

With the message that you are right where you belong

A Life Untamed

We come to these bodies at birth
Shell-shocked and in search
Of the meaning, the purpose, the worth
For why we came to this earth

We wonder what’s the mission
What’s behind the division
We wonder if there’s a master vision
Some grand director making the decision

We try to navigate the feelings
To understand what is revealing
Forever searching for a healing
While yet another wound is peeling

Sometimes we try to play dumb
And act like we’re completely numb
Sometimes we’re on the run
Hiding from any real solution

We try to listen to intuition
And not dismiss the information
Sometimes the heart is the ignition
While the head follows false sensation

There’s things that happen in the dead of night
That contradict what we know is right
There are worlds that wander out of sight
Waiting for us to drop the fight

There’s things that happen on another plane
That we’re not aware of and we can’t name
Life itself goes on just the same
Not a thing to control, and futile to tame.

Everything is in question

Everything is in question when stillness is all-encompassing for a long period of time. Being a musician in the time of corona, with very few, if any, gigs to play, many layers that were buried, find themselves revealed.

Doubt and grief mix with gratitude and wonder on a moment to moment basis. And even when it’s not covid-time, I fall and rise in and out of these mental valleys where I question everything. I write myself through these blocks and try my best to remember what is real, and to remain hopeful.

Stay steady, stay safe, and keep on keepin’ on. xoxo

What’s Next? Who knows

When I found this poem in my recent journal entries, I fully don’t remember writing it or what was happening surrounding the entry. But I fully resonate with the message. It’s nice to have this kind of reminder at this time, when after 7+ months of not doing what I’ve spent the last several years of my life building, it’s just the encouragement I need; to know that stillness is not an ending. It’s taking a breath. It’s listening for what may come. And being ok with not knowing.

8/11/20 –
There is a call to be less rigid
To be patient and fluid
To not be grasping and gasping for breath
To trust and not be fearing that we’re on the edge of death
In stillness there is renewal
That does not need approval
In listening there is wisdom
That is timeless and continual
Use this space for ritual
Find the patterns that need removal
When the path is ready, it’s natural
You’ll know how to proceed
And what roads you need to travel
Let trust be effortless
It’s not laziness or trying to guess
It’s a matter of knowing
How we’re all deeply blessed
Nourished by this rest
And prepared for what’s next.

Patience and grace to you all out there as we continue to navigate the strange unknowns.

🙏💐🍂

Stories we’re told vs truth-facts-bones

Inspired by current events; by AOC’s riveting speech; by Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette program; by Paul Joseph’s (@thepauljoseph) educational course on 5 million years of Black History; by R.R. Shakti’s course and talks on mythology/Herstory/history.  And by life itself.

7/24/20
There’s a lot that we’re just told
That we’re forced to uphold
While the truth gets buried in the fold
Ancient bones left in the cold

Constructs that we’re told to live within
And subconscious things we believe in
Not essential truths
No elemental proof

In fact, there’s loads of evidence
That show a different existence
Yet we trudge along in acceptance
Borderline indifference

To flagrant injustices that are constantly thrust upon us
And it all comes back around to something simple and profound
That we all deserve to be happy and free
To live life with love, without suffering

But the power and greed
Of a small percentage who agree
That more is what they need
While others starve and bleed

This sad faction so diseased
With empty hearts and karmic deeds
They control everything
Or so it seems

Well are the tides turning?
Are we fruitless in our burning?
Are we condemned to ever-yearning for an existential unlearning?
Will their karmic debts finally come to a head?
Will the collective soul be fed before we leave this planet dead?

I have to believe in the hope of the heart
That there is good left, enough to build an ark
To acknowledge the pieces we’ve torn apart
To make peace with ourselves would be a good start

Leo Moon, fun with new camera phone lenses

Doubt Storms the Mind

This doubt storm blows in from time to time; it stalls the mind and undermines my inner shrine.  I shudder to think of what I’d become if I didn’t have yoga+meditation+music+creative outlets+nature to stabilize me when these elements pass through me.  Each storm is a learning experience and a way to reset the internal compass.  As I often like to say, if you don’t excavate, how will you elevate?

7/27/19

Who does this doubt belong to?
Where does it originate from?
What is this story tied to?
Do I know where I belong?

The doubt wears the crown
More often than I wear my own noun
When I think I’m on the turn around
Well here comes the run around
And I’m scrambling on the ground

All the things I think I see
False perceptions of reality
Is everything I feel
Coming from some reel to reel
Like a film that isn’t even real?

Did I make a raw deal?
Did I forget every skill?
Whose download is this anyway?
Have I been riding the wrong freeway?

What frequency am I tuned into?
What telescope am I looking through?
Who can I turn to
When I can’t breathe and I’m turning blue?

This walking disaster
Could it move any faster?
Am I stuck in plaster?
Never to be a master?

When I leave this room
It turns into a temple of doom
I could use a mental broom

If I could find a way to bloom
And blossom out of this impossible gloom
Break the glamour of this tomb

Light a thousand matches
Rise up from the ashes
Blink, blink my eyelashes
Recover from these mind rashes

Walk away from those attachments
That only left me in fragments

If I could embrace some movements
To find some soul improvements
To find some life amusements
To love this life and use it.

How Long Does Loneliness Last?

We’re all losing people, routines, ways of life; but I have to hope that there’s a higher purpose behind the circus.
Next Sat. (7/4) will be 3 months to the day that my brother left this earthly plane.
Yesterday, at the end of our weekly Facebook live-stream, we did a spoken word loop of this poem, an energetic dedication.
While losing people we love is especially difficult during a global pandemic/revolution, I’m grateful that I’ve had extra down time to write, reflect and meditate; it’s my way of processing my grief, the collective grief, and finding moments of peace.

PS – re: the ‘mask’ in the 2nd paragraph – not the mask debate we see today, but the proverbial mask/disguise we all wear in various moments and phases of life.  Not that I had to tell you that, but maybe I did.

5/4/20 –
Thumbing through the past
With my flag at half mast
The shadows that it’s cast
The questions I should’ve asked

How long does loneliness last?
Why you always wore a mask
Why you never filled your glass
Why you left so fast

It’s been a full 30 days
I know we’ve all prayed
That you’re on the side of grace
That you’re in a better place

But I still miss your face
And even the games that you played
And your mischievous ways
Using words like a maze

As down time increases
We’re all searching for the pieces
Of the puzzle to your story
To find any reasons

While the heartache never ceases
It changes form with the seasons
While our memory decreases
Yours, it just freezes.

My brother and my grandfather, both in the great beyond

My brother and grandmother, both in the great beyond

My brother, Matthew. RIP (1975-2020)

 

The beautiful, haunting cemetery in Terlingua, TX, March 2020.

Interconnected

On this Solstice and Father’s Day, and time of great change, let us see each other without all of the grievances and differences.  Let us see each other through an open heart and willingness to love, to forgive and to be essentially happy.

11/30/19 –
Open your heart and receive
Open your mind and believe
Open your soul and let leave
All the dark that would deceive

Open your heart and let leave
All the parts full of grief
Call the egos bluff
And believe you are enough

Raise up your aim
Let go of fear and shame
Experience your worth
Share your light on this earth

Come to know the grace of your path
Follow soul’s pace and laugh

We are each unique in how we live and speak
The world not so lonely and bleak
When we allow ourselves to drink
The radiance of life and not shrink or sink

Then we allow ourselves to blink
And see a world where we’re all linked
Interconnected instead of dissected
Respected instead of rejected

Stand under this great, big sun
And know the light touches everyone
We’re all rooted to this planet earth
Know that we all have equal worth

Through the Storm

Words I wrote 6 years ago, are coming back around to me now, at a perfect moment. The upheaval for soul retrieval, to uproot what is medieval;
Muster the courage to abolish the scourge and make peace with a curse too long endured.
Find a reason to Love through Everything, always learning and listening.

I word-searched my main journal document with the keyword, Grace; looking for grace. It turns out, I write that word quite a lot, and am often in search of it.
It is one of those words with various meanings depending on context, but I found this definition most applicable: “the influence or spirit of the God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them”.
Whether or not you “believe in God”, we’re all searching for the higher good; searching for a way to connect with ‘source’.

We’re in the midst of an incredible growth period as a humanity, which is rife with ‘growing pains’. We must stay open and willing to do the work necessary to evolve. Most importantly, we must Love through Everything, for Love is at our very essence.

3/7/14
I’ll try to remember your face
Before you leave this place
And pray that you can trace
Your path back to grace

Nothing about the past
Can ever be changed back
But the present is vast
And there is nothing you lack

A simple choice to forgive
A sacred chance to live

There is a quickening
The veil is thinning
So much beginning
At the same time ending

Pray hard
Breathe deep
Dream wide awake
Against the sleep

The road gets weary
It can seem so scary
But love is always near
Love will always carry us

Through the storm
Threads are torn
But we are then reborn
Safe and warm.

The ties that bind. Jasmine and vine spirals

Reflections in Stillness; City Park NOLA 2020

To Not React

Quarantine time has me typing my past journals on a more regular basis.  This has felt, at times, like notes to my future self (aka, me, right now).  Things that I needed to see on the page then, and work out in my mind at that moment, serve as reminders and sign posts to my current moments.  And it’s been that way for me through most of my typing process, regardless of when the words were written.  It continues to be a fascinating thing for me, and so I’m working on sharing more of these moments with you here.  I hope that the words are what you needed in the moment as well.  xoxo

9/13/19 –
Sometimes the hardest thing to do
Is to not react
To open the heart and not attack

The negative mind
On constant rewind and looking to find
The dangers and detriments that leave us on the side lines
In fear of the real or imagined crimes

If we can count to ten and take a deep breath
If we can stay zen amidst the mess
We don’t have to defend or be swept up in stress
We don’t have to pretend that we know what’s next

Petroglyphs, Tucson, AZ

Petroglyphs, Tucson, AZ